Affirmations
Mpong School, Masai Mara, Kenya
Photography is a huge part of my life, too huge my wife might say, but, like most photographers that I interact with I have a “day job” to pay my bills. Fortunately, I happen love my day job as a firefighter/paramedic and I couldn’t see myself doing anything else. That being said, like every job, even great jobs, there are aspects of being a firefighter that aren’t so enjoyable. I love fighting fires but I hate getting up in the middle of the night. I love helping people but I hate getting vomit on me. I love the friendships that I’ve made but I hate the emotional toll that a hard days work can have.
Yesterday was one of those days.
At about 7:30 in the morning as we were preparing to finish up a very busy shift we got a call for a 3 week old baby not breathing. This is the kind of call that every single firefighter, paramedic, EMT, doctor, nurse and police officer dreads. We arrived within minutes to find a mother performing CPR on her child. My crew of 4 plus the ambulance crew of 2 did everything that we could in our scope of practice including providing CPR, IV drugs and an airway. We had the child in the hospital within about 15 minutes from the time we arrived on scene. The emergency room staff continued attempts at recusitation for about another 20 minutes but nothing could be done and the child was pronounced dead.
These types of calls, fortunately few and far between, can really effect those involved. We did an informal incident debriefing with all those involved where we talk in confidentiality about how we thought the call went and bring up any concerns that we might have. Everyone on scene on the call performed professionally and did an excellent job, I couldn’t have asked for a better group to work with under such adverse circumstances.
Throughout the day I reflected on the morning’s events and couldn’t help but think this is the type of call that is the reason my job exists. This is why we train so hard and constantly work on our skills. 95 out of 100 calls may be non-life threatening, but this type of call completely affirms what we do. That affirmation, at least for me, was the one bright spot in this otherwise completely horrible situation and it helped me cope with the circumstances. What does this have to do with photography?
Mpong School, Masai Mara, Kenya
Well, as my mind wandered I began to think about my work as a photographer. Learning photography is hard. I spend many hours reading, shooting and toiling with sliders in Aperture. I’ve spent many hundreds of dollars on gear. Of course I could settle for a nice point and shoot and a little bit of post processing in iPhoto and get some good snapshots, but I don’t. I labor over my work, I critique myself and push myself to get better. What affirmations do I have for working so hard at this craft?
While in Kenya we visited the Mpong school in the Masai Mara to donate school supplies that my wife had collected back home from her students. The few hours that I spent photographing the kids there were the best that I have ever spent with a camera in my hand. When I look back at the photos they affirm all my hard work. Now, I’m not saying that they are the most technically perfect photos ever taken and I may have too much emotional connection to them to judge them objectively, but, if nothing else, they provide the affirmation for me that I need to keep pushing and working on my photography.
What affirmations do you have?
Jeff, I came to your blog through Sabrina Henry. This post really moved me. I am so sorry for your experience today, and so grateful for what you do as a firefighter and paramedic. You are definitely one of the good guys. And your images show your heart. This isn’t exactly an affirmation, but you remind me to say it: thank you.
August 31, 2010 at 6:21 pm
And thank you. You know, it’s part of the gig and we all know it going in. Of course, that doesn’t make it easier, but we take care of each other and move on.
August 31, 2010 at 6:23 pm
Jeff.
An inspirational and beautifully written post that can’t fail to move all who read it
For me photography is like a window to my soul. It allows me to express my emotions, feeling and concerns for humanity. I think your experience today – however tragic and numbing- demonstrates why compassion, sentiment, a desire to good is such an important life force. When your own humanity is aligned with that of your story -like yours was in Kenya – the images flow. Your vision, your craft and your motivation all line up, and as a rsult you produce images with real power.
I guess much of what David duChemin and others are amplifying is how to find a way for that vision and emotion to always be close enough to the surface to help us create compelling images.
A great post. Thank you
August 31, 2010 at 9:16 pm
I’ve found that as we grow on this journey we are both taking, the affirmations in life and in photography seem to intersect more and more or perhaps we just become aware of them. After all they say the camera looks both ways. The same compassion with which you approach your day job cannot help but come through your photography. If there is any doubt, looking at your images will sweep it away.
August 31, 2010 at 9:34 pm
I cannot do more than admire You Jeff for Your everyday strength to be in the force of helping people. The fact that You can bring your photography and experiences from your day job together makes your imagery, as Marco said, even more powerful. And regarding ‘technically perfect shots’ – well, in my opinion not every photograph that is great from technical standpoint is neccessary beautiful and often it says nothing. Emotional and moving picture are what most resonates with us and Your photographs from Kenya do exactly that! Keep up great spirit and work !
September 1, 2010 at 8:50 am
Radek,
Thank you. Like life, photography isn’t easy, and our community is constantly helping me push further. I could always learn more about the technical side, but, I’m much more interested in the emotional side now.
September 1, 2010 at 9:02 am
I’ve been following your blog now for about a week and this is my first comment on your blog. The images I see and content of your writing means I will be following your journey.
This post is well written and will cause many of us to pause and reflect. The affirmations in our lives, in our photography, and in our spiritual journeys are important for us. I spend an inordinate amount of time each day working at this photography. And, I would like to spend more.
I also have put a large amount of money on gear, downsized and upsized, trying to find a set of tools that work for me. I like the setup I have not but when a new lens is introduced I think about spending more money.
My affirmations are seeing a print or an image on my monitor that speaks to me. I also find affirmation in knowing I presented a final set of images to a client who is satisfied. Another affirmation is finding I see the world with a new set of eyes than I had 5 years ago.
September 3, 2010 at 4:24 am